today I learned that there’s a town in Quebec where a bunch of people grow giant pumpkins, and on one very special day a year, cut them up, empty them, and use them as a canoe. then have a race. a pumpkin race. it’s even called ‘the potirothon’, from potiron (pumpkin) and marathon.
You know, it’s almost like that was the fucking problem in the first place you stupid bastards
the absolute need for every online video platform to become just like cable tv despite the fact their success comes from not being like cable tv is just overwhelming
Netflix: Alright guys, we have a fantastic model going! Piracy is down, subscriptions are up, everyone’s making money with these contracts for your show’s streaming rights, and viewers are getting a ton of great content they enjoy. Everybody wins!
Morons: But what if we had our own streaming service just for our content?
Netflix: …I mean in-theory that would work at first, but if everyone’s content was suddenly 100% exclusive and you have to get a dozen subscriptions to a dozen proprietary streaming services just to watch three shows, that defeats a lot of the val–
Morons: And we could charge more than Netflix and Hulu too! We could make even more money!
Netflix: Well at a certain point you’re going to start charging more than people are willing to pay and you’ll start losing more money than you’ll gain. We’ve been doing this since 1997 so we have a pretty good idea of–
Morons: *create streaming sites for every single fucking studio that all charge more money than their content is worth, saturating the market with too many options, almost all of which have too little content to justify their price*
Consumers: Yeah fuck this
Morons: I knew streaming was a dead-end. It never could’ve worked
Netflix: But we were making money! It was working before you fuckers killed the goose laying golden eggs!
Morons: Yeah, but when we wanted more money, it stopped working, and we’re too good at business to make bad decisions, so clearly it was streaming itself that wasn’t working. It’s not our fault the goose couldn’t keep laying eggs after we ate it!
Netflix: What the fuck is wrong with you people
Everything is wrong with people
The free market?? Sabotaging itself??? More likely than you’d think
Plus nothing is stopping people from just having one subscription to netflix and then pirate the rest of the content that isnt on there from other streamers, congratulations they just played themselves.
I feel like, legally, i need to inform y’all that the guy playing one of the incels in this episode is the same guy who plays spongebob squarepants on broadway
they really went on the dark net for something u can google in three seconds
Bugs Bunny could singlehandedly defeat Thanos by dressing up as a TSA agent and setting up a metal detector in the middle of the battlefield saying that all metal objects must be removed if you want to pass on through now stick around for my 2,000 word essay on just how effectively he would convince The Mad Titan to comply
“For shame, doc! Dontcha know we got other folks waiting?”
(Thanos looks behind him and sees dozens of Bugs Bunnies dressed as angry yelling travelers with huge bags of luggage. Thanos rubs his neck guiltily and begins sliding off the gauntlet)
I felt compelled
I don’t think I’ve seen such a finely crafted Looney Toons joke in over two decades. Bravo.
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