Cooking Simulator is a physics based cooking sim that allows you to prepare a variety of culinary delights with a wide selection of kitchen appliances and utensils…. or you can just spend your time totally trashing your kitchen!
The bathroom at work has a motion sensor light that turns off every 30 seconds so every time I try to take a fucking shit at work I gotta have a rave party with my arms while sitting my ass on the toilet or else I’ll just sit in pitch blackness
a friend of mine told me about her friend i think from high school who was gay but not out, and he pretended for a while to have a girlfriend named Amanda who he would go see a lot, and they’d be all, come hang out with us and he’d be like sorry I’ve got a date with Amanda, and they were like when are we gonna meet this Amanda??? anyway he kept this up for like a year until he finally came out; and when his friends were like, “wait, what about Amanda?” he said, “IT’S A MAN, DUH.”
i have literally never admired anyone’s commitment to a joke more
Nagini turning out to be an cursed witch was a plot twist that no one wanted or needed, also we just found that neville just killed a person (sure it to destroy voldemort but still).
Also an asian woman ended up serving as a pet for the wizard equivalent of a nazi not a good look for jk.
tumblr is such a bizarre kind of social interaction. like. the rules are so different here. I once unfollowed someone because they said prime numbers were ugly and that was simply the last straw for me. imagine hanging out with a friend and getting up from the table and never talking to them again because they told you they hated prime numbers. that’s what I did.
Once I unfollowed several thor blogs because they hated thor being portrayed as goofy in ragnarok. And im like have you seen the first movie? So anyway im not following them anymore
• I become a paramedic.
• If I encounter patients who cannot be saved, just as they’re about to die, I’ll look them dead (haha) in the eyes and slap ‘em real hard.
• If ghosts are real, this will cause dozens of them to be personally upset with me. I mean, at the very least, they’ll want answers. I’ll be the most haunted person ever.
• This means I’ll have dozens of opportunities to record paranormal phenomenon.
• I’ll get my own show on the Travel Channel called GHOST SLAPPER, through which I’ll eventually get irrefutable scientific evidence that ghosts exist, making me the wealthiest and most respected paranormal researcher of all time.
• On my death bed, one of my interns will slap me real hard, to make sure I come back all pissed off and confused.
• I will be the first ghost to host a ghost hunting show (which is mega cool, come on, admit it).
• Eventually, the secret goes global, and everyone starts slapping their loved ones real hard as they die, because they believe it’s the best way for their spirit to remain here on Earth with them.
• After enough time, death slaps become commonplace. People have DNS (do not slap) instructions in their wills instead of or along with DNR (do not resuscitate) ones.
• HOWEVER, because everyone expects the death slaps, they no longer have the desired effect. Getting slapped is just a natural part of dying, now, but it accomplishes nothing.
• Like with all cultural junk, the origin eventually slips away, and the knowledge of WHY we slap the dying is esoteric at best.
• I, however, remember, and haunt hospitals for centuries, laughing because everybody’s gettin’ slapped.
• Thank you for your time.
Viking Asgardians blog 